A really belated thank-you.

[fiercelydreamed]

It's somewhat belatedly come to my attention that Who's Left and Who's Leaving received a 2008 Stargate Fan Award for Best SGA Gen Team Drama Story. Thank you, to whoever nominated it and to those of you who voted for it! I'm especially touched (if slightly guilty) because I've written so little in the last year.

While I'm on the subject, this seems like a good time to ask: does the sequel still hold any interest for anyone? It's been on hold for ... well, basically since I plotted it; grad school killed my writing mojo but good. That said, I've got a Google Doc with the first fifth of it, and I know the general shape of the rest.

So this is the part where I blather a bit, mostly to get my thoughts in some kind of order. Please don't take any of this as fishing for feedback, encouragement, or hand-holding -- I'm not expecting any response from anyone, though if you've got advice I'll sure as hell take it.

I'll tell you honestly that "End of Miles" (the sequel) has ended up being a hell of a lot harder and more complicated than WLWL, and that I'm honestly not sure I'm capable of writing it to my satisfaction. Part of it's that WLWL was, structurally, a very simple story: I came up with the premise, and then it was a matter of looking at Atlantis -- at John's life, really -- and stripping things away. Turns out: death's easy, it's rebirth that's hard, so it makes sense that part of what's taken a lot of thought is world-building Mradi.

Really, though, it's John who's been driving me nuts, which is ironic because he's usually the easiest SGA character for me to write. His arc has been incredibly difficult for me to figure out, which means that while I know the events that take place, it's hard to structure them, and I'm normally a very architectural writer: I build stories in my head like they're suspension bridges, and I can tell you which cable connects to which girder before those pieces are even set in place. Trying to let go of wanting certainty has been daunting.

Also, all the traits that I usually like to write in John are problems for me here: they're not wrong, exactly, but I had to scrap my initial conception of what I was doing when I realized draft one was headed to be so one-note that I'd be ready to take it out back and put it out of its misery before I got to 10,000 words. There's a lot of complicated middle ground I need to find in the way that he deals with the new situation he's in, in order to make him a person (let alone a person anyone reading should spend an hour of their life with).

The end of the series threw me off, too -- not because it ended, but because they had a run of episodes where people did stupid things for uncharacteristically stupid reasons, and they worked anyway. Everybody felt more flimsy to me at the end of S5 than they had at the end of S4. Boo, PTB. There's a fly in this soup fandom. Still, it's not like crappiness of source text ever stopped me before; quite the opposite, in fact.

So basically, what I guess I'm saying is: I'm not sure I can do it, and the doubt has kept me from trying to do it. As I'm typing it, it sounds like a really weak reason. So maybe, to get back into writing, I should think about making this my sacrificial story: the thing I write so I'm writing, while practicing non-attachment to the outcome. It might not be a bad idea -- brooding clearly isn't going to get it written, and I think my first attempt at a sacrificial story was Unidentified.

Hmm.

Comments

[anatsuno]

For the record, I'm still interested, yes! And I like your thinky thoughts about writing. :D

[fiercelydreamed]

Thank you! ION, I've been listening to a bunch of podfic lately, including several of yours, and I continue to have a major auditory hard-on for you as a reader.

[anatsuno]

That's so very nice to hear. :))
I need to get cracking on my podbang, arg.

[kate]

I second Ana! I am very interested. And if Unidentified was a sacrificial story, holy crap, dude.

Also, I am with you on S5 putting a real damper on my love of the characters and the show. The gf and I have talked about scrapping S5 and writing our own 20 episodes, dealing with maybe half the themes they came up with, and then taking care of several other things we want tied up.

Actually... Hrm. That's kind of a huge idea. I know I'd never write a full season myself, even with help. But if there were 20 writers willing to take an episode each? *thinks*

Sorry - completely hijacked your post there. As for the story... it sounds like you need someone to soundboard off of, maybe? Because without details as to John's character development or the events of the story that you hint at, I find it hard to say more than "I want this!" Which I know is completely valid, but... also probably not helpful. I'll volunteer, if you want, but I have a feeling you probably have someone you go to for these things.

[fiercelydreamed]

At one point shaenie and I had a similar thought related to the end of the series. We'd thought about starting a multiverse project: kicking it off by writing the first episode after the end of S5, then opening it up so that anyone could write the episode after that, and other people could follow up those episodes ... No organization or arc-planning, just letting people leapfrog off each other's efforts at will and create branching paths of new canon. Clearly, we never got around to it, but I still love the make-our-own canon idea. And lord knows S5 could stand to be reverse-Jossed.

I am lucky enough to have a couple of cheerleaders for this, and I need to overthink it less and trust them to tell me what I need to do to make it work as I go. I may well recruit you as another set of eyes -- I've found that when there are people reading/plotting with me as I put a story together, it can be good to have someone outside that process as a control, to make sure the story's logic makes sense on the page and not just because my behind-the-scenes blather has been convincing. :)

Thanks for the advice, K. Btw, I've been thinking recently that I miss trading emails with you -- will endeavor to correct that.

[kate]

I haven't responded to this because I haven't had the time to compose a decent answer... but it's going to get away from me if I don't do it soon, so I'm just going to hurry through and get it posted.

A) I seriously want to rewrite S5, though it's probably better left for next year, late winter/early spring, as that's the only time of the year without major writing fests for SGA. I'll consider drumming up more support then, but man, would I love to have you and shaenie on board for brainstorming at least (or episode writing at most!). We'll see when next year rolls around.

B) Send me whatever you want, whenever you want. I am willing to read and squee, read and soundboard, read and crit... whatever you need.

C) I miss it too! Clearly I need to become independently wealthy so I can do nothing but eat bon bons and chat with my friends. ♥

[thingswithwings]

I do think you should write it, and not only because I'd very much like to read it. Sometimes the ones you think you can't write are the ones it's most important to write, y'know?

[fiercelydreamed]

Yeah, that's exactly how I feel. There's something about this story that I feel like I need to take on. It's good to hear you think about things in those terms too -- thanks.

[which]

Many, many years later, this showed up in another com, and if you did finish writing it, I'd love to read it.